Regret often prevents us from making progress on goals. In this new year, try journalling about your regret to clear space to be present to what you want to do today.
How regret can show up in your inability to make progress on your goals
When I had my major wake-up call concerning my health and lifestyle I immediately struggled with regret. In many ways I had to deal with the important emotion of sadness and disappointment that I was diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes. “What if I had just exercised more?” Or, “Why didn’t I just limit my ice cream consumption and other sweets?” “How come I was so reticent to get my blood tested earlier and catch this when I was younger?” All of these questions are normal and the disappointment is real and important. Not to be neglected.
But, what about when those thoughts and feelings start to take over, and become, “See, I’ll never be able to manage my lifestyle consistently as clearly I didn’t before.” Or, “I messed up so much before, I might as well not care now.” Those kinds of feelings go beyond regret, they become toxic. They can turn into limiting beliefs. When that happens, then I stop believing my goal to exercise several times per week is even possible. So managing regret is key to moving from the past and into the future-orientation needed for goal attainment.
How can journaling help you limit regret’s ability to squelch progress on your goals?
First, the past can be very painful. Sometimes the best thing we can do is find a therapist and process all of the grief and regrets we have. A trusted and safe friend can be such a great resource when we process our pain and regret. These are important steps to begin to live in the present, honest with ourselves and hopeful to improve.
Whenever I’ve faced regret I like to talk it out to God, to myself, and into my journal and to my wife and close friends. I find getting this out in the open, being honest and real, and writing it down, slows down the process for me. I become more present to my emotions, and to coping in healthier and more life-giving ways. If you’ve got something to process that you regret, you could start journaling. Find an uninterrupted and calm and pleasant place. Carve out time that doesn’t require you to rush off and be with people, or even get a lot of work done.
Try these journal prompts
Some potential prompts for your journaling time to process some regret:
- What happened that you now feel regret about? What are the “facts” relevant to your situation?
- Is there anything you feel sad about? Or maybe you have other important emotions like fear and anger that are stirred up here too.
- What are your regrets or things you wish could have been different before getting to the point you are now?
- Is there a current story you are telling yourself about how you got here? If so, how is it helpful and how might it be limiting right now?
- You likely have some sense of hope or maybe even some initial resolve at this point. If so, describe it.
- What is a different story that you can tell yourself instead of just the story of regret, perhaps one that has hope and names some good things for yourself right now?
- What’s one true thing that you can remind yourself as you step beyond the past into the future?
Moving from regret to goals
The important work of dealing with the past is not so that we can stay in the past. Therapists know that. So do spiritual directors. It’s so that we can focus on the present and look forward to a good future. Coaches focus on work in the present and the future. A lot of my work in helping people helps them decide what they want to work on now and in the future.
In my health crisis I found the space to fuel my desire for change out of my regret, out of my past. However, what really helped me was being reminded of the vision of the ideal future I was seeking, not what happened in the past. Managing regret then becomes just that. Managing it. Helping regret not take over but instead to help you stay in touch with reality.
Listening to other voices
Are you seeking a different future from what you have experienced in the past? In this blog I talk mostly about how we set our vision for our lives, the processes we shape to live into that preferred vision, and who are. I don’t dwell a lot on the past. But I know that a lot of my readers like me have things in their past that can often seem to shout at us, drowning out the still, quieter voice that calls us to our purpose.
Can I encourage you today to listen enough to the voices of regret in the past so that you can be honest, and realistic? BUT, to not listen so much that they drown out the other voice that is saying that 2021 can be different. That there is a unique God-shaped YOU that was created for a purpose, for something valuable and productive and beneficial.
Question: When can you take some time to process a regret that is preventing you from making progress on your goals and being your best self today?
Leave a comment or drop me an email and let me know whether you found this post helpful. Stay focused and positively moving forward on the path this week.
All the best,
Jeff