Wake Up and Calm Down

My Wake Up

On the morning of May 28 I went to the doctor. I received the news that I was diabetic. My A1c was over 10 (it should be between 4-5). My triglycerides were probably 10x what they should be. High risk for pancreatic malfunction. I came away with 3 new medications and a prescription to prick my finger and check my blood sugar daily.

By 10:30 am I was home from my appointment with my physician and my trip to the pharmacy. I sat down on the couch and proceeded to email a couple colleagues, cancelling appointments and clearing my schedule for the day. Overwhelm flooded my whole being. I needed to be alone. 

Getting to Calm

When you have a wake up you often feel very overwhelmed. Emotions are running high. Typically feelings of shame, regret, and loss flood your mind. How did I let this happen? It’s good to let those emotions come and to process them. But soon you want to calm down. Eventually you want to get to work on what’s wrong. You always want to move forward.

I realized on that day and in those moments that my life was not matching my vision. In an earlier post I’ve written more about this wake up and the difference between your reality and your idea.  I knew I needed to change, and quick.

Getting Acquainted Again with Intentional Change Theory

Just recently I was reviewing my thoughts on this subject, and reviewing the research I published four and half years ago in my dissertation. The topic was coaching for clergy and the ideal self. Central to my thesis was Intentional Change Theory that describes change that someone seeks, often precipitated by a moment or a wake up call.

Little have I realized until just this week how subconsciously I have marinated in the process I studied for over 3 years. Looking back this week I realized that I have followed the components of Intentional Change Theory. The results for me have been tremendous. Instead of staying in overwhelm,  or regret, remaining in my diabetic, metabolic chaos, I decided to get to work.

I started to seek change. Not wanting to stay on 3 medications forever, I knew diet, exercise, and lifestyle change would need to come. A plan began to emerge. It turns out that without even consciously doing the 5 parts of Intentional Change Theory, I actually ended up pursuing them. Here they are in brief for you to consider. For more detail you can explore this summary of Boyatzis theory. Also, Boyatzis and colleagues have published a new book on this recently focusing on helping people change. I have not read it yet so can’t recommend specifically, but I’ve found his writing valuable in my life and leadership. I plan to pick it up soon.

The 5 Components of Intentional Change Theory

There are 5 parts to change articulated in this model. They are not sequential, but they do build on each other. You can apply them to anything for which you want to see sustained, lasting change. 

Discover your ideal self

The ideal self is a vision of who you want to be and is made up of your personality, your personal context and your hopes and dreams. Connecting to your ideal self requires reflecting on your own God-shaped personality, gifts, strengths as well as the passions and dreams that come out of your own life experience. We need to re-do this discovery in times of transition or in life stages and especially in moments of personal crisis.

Discover your real self

The real self is who you actually are. It’s a more objective view of what you actually do, say and the beliefs that govern your life. You can get access to this by getting friends and family to give honest feedback, by journaling and being honest with yourself, and through physical, emotional, psychological measurement.  The struggle with developing real self is that often our social network unwittingly complies with our bias toward not admitting our real self. We can be the proverbial “boiled frog in the kettle” ignoring any signs that we are off track. And our community sometimes obliges or even keeps us trapped and unaware.

Create a learning agenda

The pathway to discovery is learning. Learning about our vision, our values, our unique personality, and getting in touch with our dreams. This requires learning about the real self and staying focused on measuring what is important. When we stop learning we stop growing. Creating an agenda keeps us moving forward. I found in my research that formal coaching was a tremendous tool for this. But our friends and family can be a part of that too.

Practice and experiment with new habits

Change is hard won, but it comes only through trial and error. Our mental and physical habits got us where we are today. To change them means to “pull the tires out of the rut” and to create new pathways. This requires experimentation to see what works, and doing it long enough to form new well-worn pathways.

Build a support network

Research demonstrates that our networks are massively “contagious” when it comes to spreading emotion. The more we experience the supportive and positive emotional affect of people on our team, the more likely we are to create lasting change. If you are having a hard time changing take a look at who is around you and how they are contributing to supporting or hindering your change efforts.

Most of us have confronted hard stuff in our life that has forced us to change. Some of you are going through this right now! Hang in there. I’m happy to be a supportive voice. Likely you have others around you too. Start exploring the components of Intentional Change Theory and see what benefits you can find to creating lasting and meaningful change in your life.

Question: What desired change right now could use Intentional Change Theory to get the results you seek?

As always I’m here to be your pathway guide as you step into this journey. Give a comment or send me an email and let me know what you’re thinking!

Blessings on your path,

Jeff